Random Thoughts 7/9/18

Ughhhhh insomnia is a bitch!!! I finally fell asleep at 6am this morning and was up around 9. WTF?? This girl needs to get sleep! And here is am battling it again tonight.

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and that always makes sleep worse and more elusive. I need to get everything sorted out so I can sleep. And don’t even get me started on the itching from mosquito bites!!! I hate those blood sucking demons!!!!

I’m confused and conflicted and trying to sort it all out. It makes my brain and my heart hurt. I personally believe that some choices and decisions just shouldn’t have to be made.



Back to work! Three weeks off is hard. Lol. Thankful that they finally have some hours to give me so I don’t have to job hunt. Ugh I hate job hunting!! Off I go…..

Random Thoughts 7/5/18

So much change in such a short amount of time……but on a plus side, I just booked a vacation for the first week in December!! Punta Cana here I come! Oh and I’ll be heading to Colorado in August or September to see how my oldest kid is doing. So excited to see her!Hubby and I have been talking about where we stand in this D/s world together. That’s been interesting. Not sure if or where it will lead but it’s worth discussing at least.Kids are doing well and enjoying their summer. Went swimming yesterday and I ended up burnt. 😡 Damn thighs didn’t get the “use sunscreen memo”. HahaOk well, I’m kind of boring so that’s all I have right now. Byeeeee!

Who/what am I??

I’m on a mission to discover who and what I am in my submission. What kind of submissive am I really? I don’t know if I fit into that typical submissive box. I think I’m gonna have to create a whole new category just for me.

I’m submissive. I’m a masochist. I’m a bit of a brat. I’m occasionally Little. I’m a bit of a SAM (smart-assed masochist). What does that makes me then? CONFUSED! Haha it makes me confused and conflicted.

I do know I’m not into being in charge over a man. A woman? Perhaps. I’ve never done it so only time will tell. Making my partner happy and pleased with my actions turns me on. Displeasure from them makes me feel bad. I act out when I need a good, solid punishment session to release all the stuff I hold in.

I enjoy rules, protocols, tasks and orders but will challenge them at times. Sometimes out of fun but occasionally out of anger. Structure feels incredibly freeing most of the time but can feel restrictive on a few occasions.

So I ask again……what does that make me? Self-discovery is crucial but hard.

Random Thoughts 6/21/18

It has been over two days since I last talked to you. Like really talked to you. I keep picking up my phone to text you but have to put it down and remember that I’m not supposed to do that anymore. It’s hard. I may not have had the chance to meet you in person but I felt like we connected on a level that is hard to let go. But it is what you need so I need to do what is best for you. I don’t know if I’ll hear from you again after you sort through everything. That maybe the hardest part….not knowing.

Random Thoughts 6/18/18

Hubby’s Date:

I’m super excited and happy for him, first and foremost. She is great and I think they are adorable together. I can’t wait to see where this takes the two of the to be completely honest.

My issue comes in with him wanting me to meet her, which I did and she’s great. But when she is texting me during their date asking for advice, it’s awkward. He had mentioned to me beforehand that she had asked him to make sure that I knew they were meeting and to make sure I was ok with it. So I sent her a quick Facebook message (last night was NOT the first time we had talked) to let her know that he did tell me and that I was backing them 110%. She took it from there and just kept going and talking. I tried to stop but then she thought she had offended me. Ughhhhh…….

So when he returned home from the date, he was a little mad at me. WTF???? I do as you ask and make friends with her and your mad at me because she was texting me during you date??? I don’t think so!! And to top it off, he was horny so there was no real talking about it then. He got what he needed and went to sleep.

We WILL be returning to the discussion when he gets home from work tonight!! I know the situation is complicated but I won’t be made to feel bad about doing exactly what I was asked to do just because it suddenly feels awkward to you. You’ve known her for 20+ years and want us to be friends but only on your terms. Well, I draw the line at her asking me to come out to where you guys are eating dinner and asking me to be her “wingman”!!!!

Dinner..my short story from 6/16/18

I figured I would transfer if from our texting conversation to here. Side note: bathroom breaks were had.


You tell me when and where to be for this date. You tell me that I’m required to wear a dress. You don’t care what it looks like but it has to be a dress. We meet for dinner. You tell me where to sit. You know me well enough that you order for me knowing that I’ll like it mostly because you told me I was eating it. We sip on wine while we wait for the food to arrive. You instruct me to remove the panties that I am wearing. I go to get up and head to the bathroom to remove them but you won’t let me. You force me to remove them right at the table. Nervously I do as I’m told knowing that to not do so would be worse. They get stuck on the heels that I am wearing. You reach down and remove them. I put my hand out for them as I turn 5 shades of red because the couple at the table next us noticed. You simply slide them into your pocket and say later. By now I’m wet.

Dinner arrives. I wait for your permission to eat like always. It is a simple nod from you that allows me to consume my food. You pull a small box from your jacket pocket. I haven’t even gotten to swallow my first bite of food yet. You hand it to me and tell me to use it…..now. I open it slowly and with extreme hesitation. Inside is a small steel butt plug. My eyes open wide. I just kind of stare at you. You grab my hand and bring it to your lips an kiss it gently….never removing eye contact.

You proceed to tell me to use my mouth to wet the plug and that I have 1 minute to have it inserted. You actually want me to do it right there at the table. The couple next to us have been watching us this whole time and I know that there is no way I am going to be able to pull this off without being seen. You simply smile and say now in that tone I know means I’m fucked if I don’t. I slowly bring it to my mouth and wet it as I shift in my seat to find a position that will allow me access. I remove it from my mouth and lower my hands to my now parted ass. I slide it in slowly to avoid a moan but I moan anyway as the cold steel slides deep in my ass. My hands are shaking as they return to the table. “Good girl” you say loudly enough for that damn nosey couple to hear.

I politely ask permission to use the bathroom to wash my trembling hands to which you say yes but you have two minutes. I rise and smooth my dress and go wash my hands but there is a line. I know I will be more than two minutes and I start to panic. I see the men’s room has no line so I rush in there. As I’m washing my hands the door opens…..you have followed me in!

You look at me in the mirror and say “time is up”. I begin to dry my hands as you walk up to me. You raise the back of my dress and begin to rub my ass cheeks. I know it’s coming. I have failed and must now deal with the consequence of that. I had thought you’d wait until after dinner but you won’t because you need to prove a point. You begin to spank me hard and swiftly. I mentally count. Fuck it stings! You do the sixth in on the second cheek and the door opens. It is that bastard from the next table. You don’t even hesitate. You keep going as he watches. Once the tenth smack on both cheeks has been administered, you rub softly as you kiss my mouth and murmur “good girl” and wink at the guy who has stood and watched this happen. You lower my dress and grab my hand as you lead me from the bathroom and back to our awaiting dinner. While my ass is extremely red and stings like hell, my pussy is a wet mess.

We finish dinner as if nothing has happened. One more glass of wine is had as we have a nice conversation. You pay the bill and help me put on my sweater as we rise to leave. The stupid couple just smiles as we pass their table. You walk me to my car where you kiss me passionately and hard. Your hands grabbing my still painful ass. Suddenly you push me to my knees as you pull your hard swollen shaved cock from your pants. I don’t think about people being able to see us. I just do what I am trained to do. I open my greedy mouth and let you throat fuck me right there. You pound away at my throat until you shoot that hot load into my wet, hungry mouth. Once swallowed, I look up at you and say “thank you Sir for dessert”. You smile as you help me up. You put your cock back in your pants before you notice my knees are bleeding. I see that immediate change in your face. You apologize for hurting me. You open my car door to get a baby wipe from the place you know I keep them in there. You tenderly clean my knees and proceed to kiss each one and give them a light blow of air. You ask if I’m ok. “Yes Sir. I’m fine. Thank you.” You kiss my mouth so softly that I am left to wonder if it actually happened. “Are you wet, Baby?” you whispered in my ear.

I shake my head as words have escaped my brain. You have your hands in my hair and you grab a fistful and pull my head back and bellow “answer properly, slut!” I stutter out a “yes Sir”. Swiftly you hand in under my dress and rubbing my throbbing clit with your thumb. Faster and faster you go until you know that my moans mean I’m about to cum. You suddenly stop and tell me that I’m not allowed to come tonight as I allowed my naked ass to be seen by another man. I knew better than to argue the point that you had been the one to allow him to watch it. Fully knowing that if I had not failed you in the first place, you never would have had to spank me in public. “Thank you, Sir” was all I could utter out in ragged breathes. You kiss me one more time and help me to my feet. You instruct me to leave the butt plug until I get home at which time I am to remove it and not touch my pussy or pleasure myself in any way. You tell me you had a lovely night as you open my car door for me and help me in and buckle me. One more kiss and you remind me to text you when I get home safely and have removed the plug. A quick kiss on the tip of my nose and you close the door and we part ways.

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